Everything happenes for a reason.....but I don't understand.

I've always believed that everything happened for a reason. Although we may not know the purpose at the time, it may be relieved to us later and then we'll understand. But there are just somethings I don't think I'll ever understand. One of these things became aware to me on my families recent vacation to Orlando.

We stayed at a resort called Give Kids the World. It is a village designed for families of children with life threatening illnesses. I came to terms with my understanding of why my daughter had her illness and I knew we would encounter other families that were in a similar boat as us. Then one day I met Ed.

Ed and his family is from Cleavland, Ohio. Ed was there with his wife and his daughter. They were the nicest family and Ed, the nicest man! After talking with Ed for some time, we found out his daughter has Leukemia. And her prognosis is dire. She won't get better.

Afterward, I thought about Ed and his family. London (his daughter) was his only child. Why would the Lord give you one child, just to take them from you? And not just take them from you, but take them from you in such a way (leukemia). The loss of a child is the worst thing a family can endure, but especially if you're then left childless afterwards.

My husband has different religious views than I do. So when I mentioned the heart break I felt for this family, losing their only child, his response was, "Everything you say about your God, tell me how that is fair. Tell me how a loving God would make his children endure that." It set bad with me, but it also added to my inability to understand WHY. I was always raised to never to question the acts of the Lord, but my heart wonders, if everything happens for a reason, what is Ed's families reason? A mother and fathers only child given then taken away. And taken away from a painful, long illness.

Someone help me understand.......

A heart is like a piece of glass........

"A heart is like a piece of glass,dropped once,broken forever,and even if the pieces finally get put back together,it will never ever be the same again."

What things in life left your heart changed? Not who... but "what". What situations left you so broken hearted that you could feel the difference. 

I have to say, when it comes to my life, I've lived a pretty upbeat, happy life. I guess I should have expected a fall sooner or later. Nothing can always be good, right? I was looking through pictures, looking for a specific picture of my 2 year old, when I came across a picture of my 5 yr old when she was 3. It was a picture of her when she was in the midst of her treatment for  kidney disease. That picture stopped me in my tracks. I froze physically, but my mind and my heart were taken back. I couldn't speak and I couldn't look away from the picture - how that time broke my heart to pieces. If I didn't believe in the strength of prayer or giving "it" to God, I don't know where I'd be today. Looking at that picture I can actually feel the change in my heart. It feels scarred. It feels haphazardly pieced back together. It feels forever changed.

Here is a picture of my daughter 10 days before she got sick.

Here is "the picture" of her during her treatment - 1-2 months after the above picture was taken.

My Lord, I cried every night. With the physical change, it was "seeing" the illness everyday. It was in your face reminding you your child has a condition that has a 50% mortality rate. My mind was always trying to close off the thoughts of "is she in the bad 50%". The only thing I could do was to scream into my pillow at night through my tears and beg God to take her sickness away and give it to me. I'd gladly be the one to be sick. Just save her. 

Wow.... the places a picture can take you.

Here is my baby girl today. Healthy, happy and in remission.

Hopefully time will help my heart heal. But if not, at least it'll remind me how precious life is.