What things in life left your heart changed? Not who... but "what". What situations left you so broken hearted that you could feel the difference.
I have to say, when it comes to my life, I've lived a pretty upbeat, happy life. I guess I should have expected a fall sooner or later. Nothing can always be good, right? I was looking through pictures, looking for a specific picture of my 2 year old, when I came across a picture of my 5 yr old when she was 3. It was a picture of her when she was in the midst of her treatment for kidney disease. That picture stopped me in my tracks. I froze physically, but my mind and my heart were taken back. I couldn't speak and I couldn't look away from the picture - how that time broke my heart to pieces. If I didn't believe in the strength of prayer or giving "it" to God, I don't know where I'd be today. Looking at that picture I can actually feel the change in my heart. It feels scarred. It feels haphazardly pieced back together. It feels forever changed.
Here is a picture of my daughter 10 days before she got sick.
Here is "the picture" of her during her treatment - 1-2 months after the above picture was taken.
My Lord, I cried every night. With the physical change, it was "seeing" the illness everyday. It was in your face reminding you your child has a condition that has a 50% mortality rate. My mind was always trying to close off the thoughts of "is she in the bad 50%". The only thing I could do was to scream into my pillow at night through my tears and beg God to take her sickness away and give it to me. I'd gladly be the one to be sick. Just save her.
Wow.... the places a picture can take you.
Here is my baby girl today. Healthy, happy and in remission.
Hopefully time will help my heart heal. But if not, at least it'll remind me how precious life is.
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